


Wish I Had Put You First

by live_laugh_murder



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Hurt Michael, I'm Sorry, M/M, No Fluff, Sad Luke, Sad Michael, a lot of crying, everyone is sad, not much to tag, there's original characters for like one chapter sorry, this is all angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-13
Updated: 2016-09-03
Packaged: 2018-08-08 11:49:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7756774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/live_laugh_murder/pseuds/live_laugh_murder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luke makes a huge mistake and Michael gets hurt because of his stupidity.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Mistakes I've Made

**Author's Note:**

> i think all of my work titles are song lyrics wtf is wrong with me

It was all too good to be true, and Michael knew it. He just didn’t want to believe himself.

 

Things were so good. Their lives were finally sorted out; they had been on tour for a few months, and Michael and Luke celebrated their two year anniversary. It was perfect, so he knew things would get worse at some point.

 

And they did, of course.

 

It’s nearly two in the morning and the boys haven’t come back to the hotel yet, worrying Michael. He had stayed in because he’s anxious for their interview tomorrow. They’re supposed to play a mini set, and he’s always scared he’ll mess up, so he stayed at the hotel and practiced for hours while Luke, Ashton, and Calum went out for drinks. He tries not to think about the time too much, and before he knows it, it’s almost three and Calum is stumbling in.

 

Michael sets his guitar down, standing. “This isn’t your room, Calum. You sleep in the room next door,” he says, chuckling. “Where’s Ash and Luke?”

 

Calum just grins and laughs, collapsing on the bed. “Let’s have a sleepover…”

 

“I can’t, I wanna have a sleepover with Luke.” Calum just has this confused look on his face, so Michael adds, “You know. My boyfriend. The guy I always have a sleepover with.” He’s still getting a blank stare. “The guy that fucks me!”

 

A sudden look of recognition washes over Calum’s face, and he sits up. “Oh! That one!”

 

“Yeah. So where is he?”

 

“Uh…” Calum looks like he’s trying to think, and Michael groans in frustration. “I think he’s… Um…”

 

Before he can come up with an answer, there’s a thump on the wall, then a loud, obscene moan. Calum and Ashton’s room. “What was that?” Michael asks.

 

“Nothing! It’s - It’s a secret, you can’t know about it!” Calum laughs to himself, then throws his body back on the bed.

 

Michael quickly starts to walk out of the room, ignoring Calum’s calls. “Wait! Don’t go in there!” And despite being completely hammered, he’s able to catch up with his friend and block the door fast enough.

 

“What the hell, let me through,” Michael says, reaching for the knob.

 

“What’s the password?”

 

“Let me through before I punch you in the balls.”

 

Calum imitates a buzzer noise. “Wrong!”

 

“Get out of the way!” Michael pushes him to the side, opening the door.

 

There’s Luke on the bed, completely naked, with Ashton underneath him, also naked. They’re making out heatedly, and Michael can’t tell if the blonde is actually fucking him yet, but he doesn’t wait around to find out.

 

He storms over, pushing Luke off the bed. “ _ What the fuck?” _

 

“Shit, no, Mikey, listen - “

 

“Don’t call me that, what are you - how - “ He doesn’t even know where to start asking questions. All he wants to do is hit something. So he grabs the closest item - thank God it’s a pillow - and starts hitting his boyfriend as hard as he can.

 

Luke blocks his face, trying to grab the pillow and take it away. “Stop, let me explain!”

 

“How? How are you gonna explain  _ this?"  _ Michael screams, throwing the pillow down and gesturing to Ashton and him. “You… How long has this been going on?”

 

When the blonde stays quiet, Michael turns to Ashton, who just looks down at his hands. “I’m sorry, Michael…” he whispers.

 

“Too late now.” Michael runs a shaking hand through his lilac hair, turning and walking quickly out.

 

“Wait! Just - Shit - Wait,” he can hear Luke yelling, struggling to get pants on probably.

 

Luke chases him into their room, and doesn’t get a chance to say anything before Michael turns back around and yells again. “You fucking cheated on me! I always thought I would be the one to fuck everything up, but you beat me to it! What the hell is wrong with you? What’s wrong with  _ me?  _ How could I - “

 

“Nothing is wrong with you. I messed up, I know…”

 

Michael laughs bitterly. “Messed up?  _ Messed up?  _ How long has this been going on?” It’s silent, so he asks again. “ _ How. Long.” _

 

“Six months…” Luke mutters.

 

Heart shattering, the older boy finally lets out tears. His whole body is shaking, his chest is heavy, and he feels like he might throw up. “Six months? So you sat through our anniversary, that whole night, just completely fine with the fact you’ve been sleeping with one of our best friends? You’re such an asshole! So you took me out to an expensive restaurant for a dinner so nice I’m pretty sure I don’t deserve it, then make love to me, then what, did you sneak out to fuck Ashton after?”

 

“I - I’m so sorry…” The blonde has tears in his eyes, which just pisses Michael off more.

 

“No, you don’t get to cry,” he says. “You don’t get to try and make me feel sorry for you. We’ve been together for over two years! What do you - “ Spotting Calum standing by the door looking guilty, he asks, “How long have you known?”

 

Calum looks down. “Three months…”

 

Michael can’t even talk. He feels like they’ve all turned on him, like he stopped being a part of the group a long time ago. “I hate you.” His voice cracks terribly and he just wants to break down crying. “I hate you all. Get out.”

 

Calum doesn’t waste time getting the hell away, but Luke stays and tries to get closer, grabbing Michael arm to help him to the bed. “Don’t say that… Please let me help you…”

 

“Don’t touch me!” Michael pushes Luke back, scaring him. “You’re not even wearing pants, you’re just in your boxers! You’re still hard, I can fucking see it! Just go back and finish. Don’t make your boyfriend wait.”

 

“He’s not my - “

 

“Then what is he? A friend with benefits? A fuck buddy when I’m not enough?”

 

Luke shakes his head and lets out a soft sob. “Please, Mikey, it’s never gonna happen again… I love you…”

 

“ _ I hate you! Get the fuck away from me, you son of a bitch!” _

 

Luke nearly jumps out of skin, but he still tries to stay. Then Michael starts to come at him, and he runs out.

 

Michael is left alone, finally breaking down on the bed, crying, screaming, throwing things. It’s a mess. Pillows and blankets on the floor, glasses broken, TV smashed, cushions strewn across the room.

 

The other boys find him at ten in the morning, passed out on the floor with expensive alcohol bottles broken all around, glass cutting into his skin, and drops of blood beginning to make a small puddle on the ground.

  
Luke knows it’s his fault. He did this, he hurt the one that he always said doesn’t deserve any pain. Michael might have broken the bottles, turned over the chairs, and thrown the lamp across the hotel room, but  _ he  _ made this mess. And he’s going to clean it up.


	2. Shut Up, Luke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke tries to make things better with a song about how they met, and Calum and Ash help him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly I'm convinced half of their songs are written for each other. So in this, Cal, Ash, and Luke wrote San Francisco for Michael

It was getting late. They probably should’ve been back to their bus by now. Everyone would be wondering where they were. But they didn’t care. Neither of them would admit it, but all the two wanted was to be alone.

 

“The water is fucking freezing, how can you be in it?” Michael asked, laughing at Luke’s goofy smile.

 

“It feels great. Come on!” Michael shook his head, so Luke got out of the water and walked across the sand to where his best friend was sitting on a towel, a blanket wrapped around his body. 

 

Michael squealed and stood up, shaking his head. “You’re getting water on me!”

 

“We’re at a beach, Mikey, you’re gonna get wet. Now come on!” Grinning mischievously, the blonde pulled the blanket off and hugged Michael.

 

“Holy shit! Get off!” Michael tried to sound mad, but he kept laughing. 

 

Luke shook his head, catching Michael off guard when he literally picked him up like a bride and walked to the water. He set him down when it was deep enough for their bottom halves to be completely under. 

 

“You’re an asshole and I hate you.”

 

“You love me.”

 

“Shut up, Luke.”

 

It was playful and loving, and they both just laughed at each other.

 

Luke sighs, still smiling softly and looking around at the empty beach. “We should probably get back. We have to leave soon, don’t we?”

 

Shrugging, Michael sighs. “We’ll be back on time.” And then he splashes Luke, and Luke splashes him right back, harder. They went on like that for a minute, until Luke was tired of losing the splash fight, and he grabbed Michael and dunked him.

 

Michael came back up shaking, holding himself and looking fucking hypothermic, but he was still grinning, his teeth chattering. “I hate you.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Luke says, feeling terrible even though Michael doesn’t seem upset. “I didn’t mean - Here.” He runs and gets the blanket, pulling Michael out of the water and wrapping the fuzzy fabric around. “I’m so sorry…”

 

Michael couldn’t help but laugh softly at Luke. “I’m okay, you idiot.”

 

“I just didn’t want you to…”

 

“What? I’m fine.”

 

“I didn’t want you to be hurt. You don’t deserve any kind of pain, and I just want to make sure that nothing ever happens to you,” Luke finishes, glancing away.

 

Michael is astonished. He just kind of stares at his best friend, taken aback yet happy. He didn’t know someone could care about him that much. “Really?”

 

Luke nods quickly, looking back at Michael and beginning to talk very quickly. “You’re - You’re so amazingly beautiful and talented and perfect, and I know you hate how people talk about you, and you don’t like to talk about it, but I’ve seen what people say about you online and you just ignore it but I know it upsets you and I’m so fucking sorry because you don’t deserve that and there are so many people that love you and want to protect you and I’m just - “

 

“Shut  _ up,  _ Luke.”

 

The blonde finally looks at Michael’s face, and when he sees him smiling and blushing, he can’t help himself. He pulls him closer and presses their lips together gently.

 

-

 

Michael refuses to let the boys help him clean up; he won’t even let them near him. So he goes to the bathroom, throws up for fifteen minutes, then brushes his teeth and starts to pick shards of glass out of his skin. After taking a shower and putting clean clothes on, he heads back to the room to see all three of his bandmates cleaning up the mess he made.

 

“Get out,” he grumbles, grabbing his phone from the nightstand. When he turns it on to look at the time, he notices his wallpaper, a picture of Luke kissing him on the cheek while they stand by the water, and throws it back on the bed. “Fuck!”

 

Luke sighs. “We have to leave in a few minutes…”

 

Rubbing his face, Michael shakes his head. How is he supposed to go on with his life like nothing happened? How can he spend all of his time with the three people he trusted most in his life, the people he loved more than anything? “Fine,” he huffs. “Let’s go.”

 

Somehow they manage to get to the venue on time. The interviewers are supposed to meet them there, they’re supposed to play a few songs, then they’ll have questions, and after it’s done they’ll prepare for their show tonight. Michael is just trying to figure out how to play when he’s constantly shaking.

 

The cameras and microphones are shoved into their face just a few minutes after arriving, and the host is introducing “5 Seconds of Summer, the next big thing who just released their debut album and are currently touring around the world.”

 

“We were lucky enough to catch up with them, so here they are, performing a few of their biggest songs that got them to the top of the charts.”

 

Michael is finally prepared to start with She Looks So Perfect, but instead of beginning to play, Luke takes his mic off the stand, breathing shakily. “Actually, um, instead of our original set, we’re gonna play a new song.”

 

The older boy kicks Luke, since he was fortunate enough to sit right next to him. “What the hell?” he mutters.

 

“Michael is gonna sit out for this one. Calum, Ash, and I stayed up all night writing this one for him,” he continues, ignoring him.

 

“Well, okay. Another love song?”

 

Luke has done this before, openly surprising Michael with new songs for him, and Michael did a few times too, so it isn’t that surprising to the host.

 

Luke nods. “Yeah, I guess.”

 

Since he can’t really argue, Michael just sets his guitar down and sits in a chair across from the boys, crossing his arms and staring at the ground.

 

“So, um… Everyone knows that Michael and I, uh… We’re dating.” Michael has to bite his tongue to stop himself from yelling that they aren’t anymore. “But no one really knows the story. So, um… This song is called San Francisco.”

 

The three boys begin playing, Luke basically looking at Michael the whole time.

 

_ “I can still taste you like it was yesterday _

_ Making plans to rule the world, you were more than I deserved _

_ I see you running in the sand, long hair blowing in the wind _

_ Never thought that it would end _

 

_ Leaves fall from the tallest trees _

_ Even mountains crumble into the sea _

_ Holding on to memories _

_ And I can't let go _

 

_ I wanna get back to where we started to the summer night _

_ You know, you know, you know, you know we got it right _

_ Yeah I wanna get back to San Francisco, in the fire light _

_ You know, you know, you know, you know we had it right _

 

_ Remember that weekend when we got out of town? _

_ Drove into infinity, I held you 'til you fell asleep _

_ Without you, the smell of your perfume _

_ Reminds me of when we were free, I swear that it's still haunting me” _

 

By the time the song is over, Michael can’t stand to be there anymore. “Shut up, Luke,” he says. This time it’s not playful, but bitter and angry. “Fuck you, okay? Please just stop trying so hard.” He shakes his head and gets to his feet, going for the nearest door, which happens to be the backstage door. When he notices a camera is following him, he turns around and flips it off. “Get the fuck away! Can’t anyone take a hint! Leave me the hell alone.”

 

He’s practically pulling his hair out, sliding down the wall and punching the ground. It’s like he’s having a tantrum; he’s sobbing again, just thankful there are no cameras around to see him. “I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.” He just keeps repeating it over and over, finally letting out a scream after five minutes. “ _ I hate you!” _

 

-

 

Twitter is blowing up. Fans are anxious, pissed, heartbroken, and even people who don’t like the band are going crazy. All people are seeing is retweets of Michael’s rant about what happened, explaining the video that they would be seeing soon, and everything else in between:

 

_ I’m taking a break from the internet for a while but before I do I’ll explain why _

 

_ Luke cheated on me. _

 

_ With someone close to me. _

 

_ I can’t explain how angry and sad I am but I don’t want to take it all out on him by attacking him on Twitter. _

 

_ Sorry for how you’ll be seeing me in our latest interview. I’m a mess and a douchebag _

 

_ Thanks for all you’ve done for me. I’ll be back whenever I feel like I can. _

  
Michael isn’t seeing anything now, but the trending tags on Twitter are all either about him, Luke, or both of them. #MukeIsDead, #LukeCheated, #WeLoveYouMichael… So many people are behind him, doing their best to make sure he understands that they love him, that he isn’t alone, but there are also thousands of people attacking Luke. And on the other side of the bus, he’s staring at his phone screen, telling himself he doesn’t even deserve to cry.


	3. Time to Heal and Time to Hate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael meets a stranger and has a great time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This original character and Michael's relationship is the main focus of this chapter. I think they're kinda cute but idk

The bus stops in Nebraska and they all get off. After being told to be back at the bus four hours later, Michael quickly splits from the rest of the group and walks down the unfamiliar streets. He has to pull up a map on his phone of things to do, and decides on a coffee shop a few blocks away.

 

It’s not hard to find, but just as he’s about to head in, he’s pulled back.

 

“Hey,” Ashton says. “I think we should stay together. Don’t wanna get lost…”

 

Michael scoffs. “Don’t touch me. I don’t wanna be with anyone right now. Leave me alone.”

 

“It’s not like you have to be with Luke.”

 

The younger boy just gives him this look that says ‘are you fucking serious?’ “And you think I wanna hang around you? I don’t wanna be near any of you, so just stay away from me!”

 

“Michael, please just let me explain. You can still be mad after, but just - “

 

“How would you even begin to explain?” Michael asks. “Luke cheated on me with  _ you,  _ so I don’t think you being around will make me feel any better.” He tries to go inside, but Ashton steps in front of the door. So he pushes him out of the way, but Ashton just grabs his arm.

 

“Please, you - “

 

Then there’s another guy pulling Ashton away, pushing him back. “I don’t think he wants you around, man. Leave him alone.”

 

Ashton doesn’t seem like he wants to fight, so he turns and walks away, kicking at the cement under his feet.

 

“Are you okay?” the stranger asks, looking Michael up and down. He looks young, maybe around twenty. He’s wearing a worn out Blink 182 tank top with ripped skinny jeans. It’s something Michael, or any of the boys for that matter, would wear. The man has brown hair that’s not too long, but long enough that he could probably put it in a ponytail if he really tried. From a distance he might look scrawny, but up close he’s pretty buff

 

Michael nods softly. “Yeah, thanks…” he answers.

 

The stranger stays quiet for a moment before speaking up, talking in an awkward tone. “I, uh… I accidentally overheard… You got cheated on?”

 

“Yeah,” Michael says again, biting his lip and looking away.

 

He seems to understand that he doesn’t want to talk about it anymore, so he just holds out his hand. “I’m Tyler.”

 

“Um, Michael,” the lilac haired boy says, shaking Tyler’s hand softly.

 

“It’s nice to meet you. Are you here for the open mic night?”

 

“What?” Michael asks. “Oh, no, I didn’t know there was one. I’m just here for a few hours. But I’ll come in and watch for a bit. Are you playing?”

 

Tyler nods, grinning. “Yeah. Can I buy you a drink or a muffin or something?”

 

“That’d be great. Thank you so much,” Michael says, opening the door and holding it for Tyler.

 

“So where are you from?” Tyler asks, walking in and over to the line. “Not from America, obviously.”

 

Chuckling softly, Michael nods. “I’m from Sydney.”

 

“That’s really cool. How do you like America?” Tyler asks.

 

“I really like it. I love travelling around.”

 

Tyler quickly asks for two coffees and hands the barista some money, then turns back to Michael. “So you travel around?”

 

Michael shrugs. “Yeah, a little.” He decides he doesn’t want to mention what he does for a living just yet, he’d rather get to know Tyler first and figure out what he thinks.

 

His plan is quickly ruined however, when they turn the corner. There’s a small stage with metal tables and chairs in front of it, and about twenty people scattered around. There’s one girl in a back corner with a ukulele on her table, and when she looks up from her phone, her jaw drops.

 

“Holy shit,” he can see her mouth silently. “Oh, my God.” She gets up and makes her way over to them, and Michael tries not to watch her, socially awkward as usual. “Hi, oh, God, um… Can - Can I get a picture?”

 

Michael smiles to himself, nodding. “Of course. What’s your name?” he asks as she tries to open her phone with shaky hands.

 

“I - I’m Lily…”

 

“Nice to meet you, Lily.” She holds up her phone and he smiles, then stands back up after she takes it.

 

Lily takes a shaky breath and glances at Tyler before looking back to Michael. “I… I’m sorry about what happened. You don’t deserve that.”

 

Michael shakes his head, letting out a breath. “No one does. Thank you…” Looking at the ukulele quickly, he asks, “Are you playing?” She nods, and he smiles wider. “I can’t wait to hear you.”

 

After the girl goes back to her table, Tyler looks at Michael with the most confused expression. “What the fuck?”

 

“Uh, yeah.” Michael scratches the back of his neck awkwardly. “I’m in a band. I just wasn’t gonna mention it…”

 

“You’re famous!”

 

He shrugs. “I guess, yeah. It’s weird saying that. I just go around the world playing music.”

 

“Sorry, I didn’t… I don’t want you to think I’m the kind of guy that likes you because you’re famous. I liked you before I knew you were famous.” Tyler smiles at Michael, making him blush.

 

“I might just like you, too,” Michael says goofily, grabbing Tyler’s hand and leading him to a table.

 

Lily ends up being fucking amazing. Michael cheers for her the loudest at the end, and she starts crying because of it. Then Tyler gets up on stage with his guitar, and he is blown away. When he gets off the stage and sits back down, Michael is smiling way more than he has in the past few days.

 

“That was so good, Tyler. I loved it.”

 

“Really?” Tyler asks. “Thank you so much.”

 

Michael nods and sighs. “Hey… Do you wanna come to our show tomorrow night? I can get you a seat in the front row if you want and you can hang out backstage.”

 

“What? Of course! Where is it?”

 

“It’s in Kansas City,” Michael answers. “You can just come on the bus with us, if you want. We’ll get a hotel room tonight.”

 

Tyler grins. “That sounds great. Thank you so much. I can’t wait to meet the other guys.”

 

Michael’s smile falters, and he looks down at his hands. “Yeah, about that… It’s kind of complicated… I was dating one of them, Luke, and he was the one that cheated on me with that guy you met outside, Ashton. And the other one, Calum, knew the whole time. So we aren’t exactly on good terms. I just really don’t wanna be alone.”

 

“You don’t have to be.” Tyler grabs Michael’s hand and smiles softly at him. “I’ll be here.”

 

-

 

When Ashton, Calum, and Luke come back to the bus to find Michael curled up with some stranger watching a movie, they’re definitely taken aback.

 

“Who’s this?” Calum asks, closing the door.

 

“Tyler,” Michael answers, not even taking his eyes off the screen. “He’s coming to the show tomorrow, so he’s just gonna ride with us tonight.”

 

“What, is this your way of getting back at me?” Luke asks. He sounds almost angry, but more heartbroken than anything.

 

Michael rolls his eyes, scoffing and sitting up. “Please, Luke. You think I’m shallow enough to bring back a guy just to make you jealous? Trust me, it’s the least you deserve, but I’m not doing this for some stupid revenge.”

 

“What about getting yelled at by strangers all over the city?” Ashton asks. “We were all attacked because of your dumbass tweets begging for pity.”

 

“So it’s my fault now?” Michael asks, standing up. “It’s my fault that my boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend for six months? That my other best friend didn’t care enough to tell me? I think after everything I deserve a little pity.”

 

Tyler is on the edge of his seat, just hoping this doesn’t escalate more, while Luke is staring at him with anger and sadness and jealousy. “I’ve tried to make it up to you, Michael! You won’t listen!”

 

“It’s gonna take a whole lot more than a shitty ass song and a bad apology to make up for this, you dick!”

 

Tyler stands up. “Should I go?”

 

Michael shakes his head and grabs his hand. “No. Please stay.”

 

“I can’t…” Luke lets out a shaky breath, rubbing his face stressfully. “I’m sorry…  I am so, so fucking sorry. You have no idea how I feel about what I did. I just wish you would let me prove it to you. I want to… I’m just sorry, Mikey.”

 

“ _ Don’t call me that,”  _ Michael snaps immediately. “You know, I hope you feel terrible. But you can’t feel worse than me. You don’t even get how it feels, to not be enough. I loved you more than anyone, Luke. And I trusted all three of you with my life. But you’ve been cheating on me for  _ six fucking months.  _ And my two best friends were in on it. Do you know how that feels? It feels like all I had in my life just left me. I don’t wanna be alone anymore.”

 

Luke sniffles and wipes his eyes, shaking his head. “I never meant to make you feel like that. I’ve told you a million times before that you don’t deserve any pain. Please just let me make it up to you. Give me a second chance,” he begs, stepping forward.

 

He tries to grab Michael’s hand, but the older boy steps back, his knees hitting the back of the seat. Falling down, he lands practically on Tyler’s lap, but doesn’t try to move. “No,” he says, shaking his head. “Being alone sucks, but being with you is even worse.”

 

The blonde wipes tears from his eyes, nodding slowly and turning to walk away. Just as they reach the door to the next room, Michael stops them. “Luke.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

Sighing, Michael glances away. “I’m sorry about the tweets. Maybe that was a little low.”

 

“Don’t apologize,” Luke says, shaking his head. “I deserve worse than some stupid tweets.”

 

-

 

In the middle of the night, Tyler wakes up and starts wandering around looking for a bathroom. He walks all the way to the end of the bus, where he finds Luke sitting on a couch crying, Ashton’s arms around him. When they hear the door automatically close, though, they pull away and look up. 

 

“Oh. Sorry, I was… This isn’t a bathroom.”

 

“That’s okay,” Luke says, shaking his head and wiping his nose. “I wanted - I wanted to talk to you, actually.”

 

Suspicious, Tyler squints. “Okay… About what?”

 

Luke stands up and sighs shakily, sniffling. “I just wanted to tell you to treat Michael right. He needs to have someone so much better than me. I fucked up so bad, and I’m trying, but I don’t think there’s a way to fix this. Just… Please don’t hurt him… Or I might have to hurt you,” he adds as a threat, but smiling softly to show he’s joking.

 

“Of course. I really like him.”

 

“You don’t like him just because he’s famous, do you?” Luke asks.

 

Tyler shakes his head. “No, of course not, I… I really do like him…” Then he can’t help but ask, “Are you two still together after what you did?”

 

“No! No, we’re not,” Ashton says, shaking his head. “I made a huge mistake too and I wanna fix this as much as Luke does.”

 

“Oh. Okay…” Tyler sighs, awkwardly turning around and leaving the room.

 

-

 

Michael is the most nervous he’s ever been before the show tonight. He has no idea how the fans will feel, how anyone can just go on and act like he didn’t rat Luke out to the entire world. And to add to the fear, he feels like he has to impress Tyler, who’s currently waiting in the pit right in front of Michael’s microphone. Still, he wants to play a normal show and give his fans the best night of their lives, because they’re the most important people to worry about tonight.

 

So when they all run out and the crowd starts cheering, he’s about to say something before they start, but all of the lights go off. Then there’s a light coming from behind him, so he turns around to find the words “We Love You, Michael” shining on the screen behind them. It then starts playing little clips of him, smiling and being goofy. There’s a clip of him in his Mike-ro-wave costume, then the words, “Thank you for saving us” flash on the screen. Then it shows him in some interview, looking serious and almost sad. “Now we want to help you” comes up next.

 

By the time the video is over, Michael is tearing up. The spotlight comes back on, and he wipes the tears away, smiling. “Wow… I don’t know how the fuck you bribed the tech guys, but thank you. It means the world to me… That was fucking amazing. I love you guys so much.” The audience screams, and Michael waits for them to quiet down before continuing. “Obviously you all know what happened…” Now the venue is completely silent, waiting for what he’ll say about it. “It’s affected all of us, but we’re still gonna play a badass show for you all. We’re all gonna have the time of our lives tonight. How does that sound?”

 

There’s more screaming, cheers, and posters being waved in the air. It takes a couple of minutes for them to calm down this time. “I haven’t been on any social media, but I heard that Luke, Calum, and Ashton are all being harassed. Don’t get me wrong, I’m so happy that I have so much support, but that doesn’t make it okay to hurt them. They all made really big mistakes, and it takes a lot to forgive that. I don’t know if I did the right thing tweeting about it, but I definitely didn’t mean to start a riot against them.”

 

It ends up being one of the best shows they’ve ever played. Somehow Michael could take all the emotions he was feeling and channel them into enthusiasm to play the best he ever has. After the encore, he gets to the dressing room first and showers so he can meet up with Tyler.

 

Ignoring Luke’s repetitive attempts to apologize when he’s done, he starts walking down the halls back to the stage, where Tyler is sitting staring at his phone.

 

“Hey!” Michael calls, making his way over. “How was it? Did you like it?”

 

Tyler looks up, putting on a smile and standing. “I loved it. You were amazing, Michael. And your fans are just… Wow.”

 

“I know,” Michael agrees. “We’re really lucky to have them. So do you wanna come to the next city with us? I loved having you with us. I mean, you can come on the road for the rest of the tour, I would -”

 

“About that…”

 

Michael frowns. “What?”

 

Sighing, Tyler runs a hand through his hair. “I just… I really like you. Like. A lot. But I think it’s too soon for you. You’re obviously not over Luke yet, and I think you should give him more time.”

 

Michael is quiet for a few moments, confused and upset. “What the hell is that supposed to mean? You  _ want  _ me to forgive him? What do you mean by obviously?”

 

Tyler just holds out his phone in reply, so Michael hesitantly takes it. There’s a video pulled up of him sitting on the ground, tears on his face. It takes him a moment to realize that’s from the interview where he had a meltdown. When he unpauses it, he realizes it’s after he told them to leave, which just angers him more. Then he’s embarrassed even more because he’s watching himself act like a kid who didn’t get what he wanted. He’s pounding on the wall, screaming at the top of his lungs, yelling for Luke, for someone to help, for anything that’s better than the feeling he has.

 

Finally he’s seen enough, and he turns off the phone and gives it back. “I told them to leave. They weren’t - They weren’t supposed to be recording that…”

 

“I know. And it was completely wrong to keep filming, but this just proves it. You’re not over him and you definitely won’t be any time soon,” Tyler says softly. “But that’s okay. If and when you move on, then if you’re still interested, you can find me in Nebraska on your next tour.”

 

“Tyler, I don’t want to - “

 

“Thanks for an amazing night, Michael,” Tyler says. And he steps forward and pecks Michael’s lips carefully. 

 

Michael sighs. “Do you at least want a ride back?”

 

“No, I’ll get a ride.”

 

Back in the dressing room, Michael finds Luke yelling angrily. He doesn’t seem to notice the older boy standing there, so he just waits there and watches.

 

“What the fuck is wrong with them?” the blonde asks, pacing around. “Did they not have a better story for publicity? They just want to use his pain for more views?”

 

Ashton shakes his head. “It’s terrible.”

 

“It’s  _ disgusting _ ,” Luke yells. “He doesn’t deserve that, why is he getting the most shit when I’m the one that fucked up? I fucking hate - Dammit! I just wanna fix it - I hate feeling like this, I wanna - I can’t just - just sit here and wait and - “

 

Michael clears his throat, crossing his arms uncomfortably and glancing away.

 

“Oh, my God, I’m so sorry, we saw the video,” Luke says quickly when they all turn around to see him. “What can we do to help?”

 

“Nothing,” Michael answers, shrugging and sitting down on the couch. “Just leave it alone.”

 

Ashton plops down next to him, rubbing his hands awkwardly. “I just wanted to say thanks for what you said on stage. For standing up for us.” Michael just shrugs again. “Um, so how about we go get some drinks before we leave tonight?”

 

“Are you serious?” Michael asks, looking up. “You think I’m just completely fine with everything now? Just because I did the right thing and told them to stop attacking you guys doesn’t mean I forgive you.”

 

The other three silence themselves, hurt and guilty.

  
“So go drink by yourselves. Maybe Luke will even fuck you again if you get him drunk enough, Ash.”


	4. You're Making a Ruin of Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a couple flashbacks and the end!!  
> Chapter title from The Good In Me by Jon Bellion because he's amazing and that song is everything to me and reminds me a lot of this fic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaahhhh the last chapter! I loved writing this entire fic. I haven't updated anything in a long time cause school just started and I've been busy with that. But it's a long weekend for me so I'll probably be making another muke fic. Thanks for reading!!!

It’s another night, just one more with Luke. That’s all. Ashton can’t believe he got caught in this again. It was supposed to be the last time. Actually, the past twelve times were supposed to be the last time. “Luke…” The older boy whines as the blonde rips off his clothes.

“Sh…” Luke smiles and gets on top of him, pinning him to the bed. This time he’s not as drunk, but still swaying. “I’m gonna take care of you… You’re so beautiful…”

Ashton sighs and frowns. “That’s what you tell Michael… Why do we keep doing this?”

“I know, I know… But this is the last time, okay? It won’t happen again.” Luke looks serious again, but it’s hard to focus on the problem at hand when there’s another one digging into Ashton’s ass.

“He trusts you, Luke. He loves you so much. I don’t want to hurt him…”

Luke nods. “Neither do I. But come on, I thought you loved me…”

“I do,” Ashton says, looking away. “A lot. But I can get over that. What we have is nothing. It’s just sex. You and Michael have something special, and I won’t take that away from him.”

“Exactly,” Luke agrees. “It’s nothing. Just meaningless sex. So can you please give me a meaningless blowjob?”

Ashton can’t help but grin as he rolls his eyes. “Oh, please, I am not leaving this room until I’m fucked well. I don't wanna be able to walk.”

-

Calum rubs his face. “I think they honestly thought that every time was the last time. They kept telling me it would be, and I swear I’m not trying to make up a valid excuse for not telling you because there isn’t one. I should have said something right away.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“I didn't want to hurt you.”

-

“Wait, wait, where are you going?” Luke asks, chasing Calum and pulling on his clothes at the same time. He didn’t have time to grab his shirt, so now he’s standing in the middle of the hotel hall in just pants.

“To tell Michael that you’re cheating on him with his best friend,” Calum scoffs, fuming. Walking in on your friend having sex is bad, but when he’s cheating on one of your best friends it’s worse.

Luke shakes his head, eyes wide. “Wh - No, please, don’t tell him. It’s not gonna happen again.”

“Really?” As Ashton catches up with them, clothed, Calum just gets angrier. “Won’t happen again? How many times has it happened already?” He can practically see the shame in their eyes, so he crosses his arms and looks at them like a disappointed mother. “How long has this been going on?”

Ashton sighs, answering honestly, “A while…”

“I can’t - You guys - I can’t believe you…” Calum runs a hand through his hair, looking down the hall at the door that Michael is behind, where Luke should be sleeping with him. “I gotta go… I’m not gonna deal with your mistakes.”

He turns and walks away, but Ashton runs after him and steps in front of him. “Calum. Please, I’m begging you, don't tell him. I’ll do anything.”

“Give me one reason I shouldn't tell him,” he challenges.

“Because I - “ Luke sighs. “There isn’t really one. But listen - If you tell him, you’re just gonna hurt him. You don’t want that, do you? Just - We swear we won't do it again. We’ll stop, and he never has to find out, and he won’t get hurt.”

Calum just looks between them, arms crossed and lips pursed angrily. “Fine.” And without another word, he turns and walks in the door.

Michael is laying on the bed watching some kids’ movie, smiling happily and looking completely content with the situation. It breaks Calum’s heart.

“Oh, hey, Cal,” he says, noticing him standing there. “You wanna watch Monster’s Inc.?”

Calum forces a smile, sitting on the bed. “Yeah. Uh, can I sleep in here tonight? Ashton is having sex in our room.”

Michael, easily noticing that Calum seems upset, pauses the movie. “Of course. Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Where’s Luke?” Michael asks.

Calum's sighs. “Um, I think he’s still out looking around the city.”

“Really? It’s getting kinda late. Should we be worried?”

Calum shakes his head immediately. “No, he’ll be back soon. So, why are we watching this? Let’s watch something with more action.” He reaches for the remote, but Michael holds it out of his grasp.

  
“Nope! Monsters Inc. happens to be the best Pixar movie ever made.”

Calum raises an unimpressed eyebrow. “Really?” At Michael’s challenging look, the younger boy jumps on top of him and pries the remote out of his hand. Michael laughs, so Calum grins back and throws the remote to the side. He tightens his grip on Michael’s wrists and holds them above his head. “Think you can get out of this?”

“You already know I can’t. Are you really gonna make me try?” Michael asks.

Calum makes a thoughtful face, still smiling at Michael’s happiness. “Not if I get to choose the movie.”

Michael groans. Calum tightens his grip again.

“Okay!” Michael laughs, his head going to the side as he tries to catch his breath. When Calum lets go, he curls up in his normal ball of cuteness, still giggling to himself.

Calum sighs in exhaustion, sliding under the blanket and exiting the movie. “How about we compromise? We can watch a rom-com.”

Michael nods, grinning wider. “Let's watch 50 First Dates!”

About halfway through the movie, Calum gets up to go to the bathroom. He’s literally gone for two minutes, and when he comes back, Michael is curled up in the blankets, lightly snoring, with the ghost of a smile on his face.

All Calum can really do is frown, now that there’s nothing to distract him from his thoughts. He just watches Michael, looking focused on him, as if he’s trying to make his smile come back with the power of his mind. It's sad. Heartbreaking. Michael is here, sleeping soundly, and just a few minutes ago he was joking around and wrestling and laughing like there was nothing wrong. He doesn’t know. And if it means that he can keep seeing him like this - happy, innocent, chirpy - for the rest of his life, Calum never wants him to know.

The younger boy finally walks over and lies on the bed, his arms around Michael as if he’s trying to guard him from the pain, from what Luke is doing to him. And he closes his eyes, and falls asleep.

-

“Thanks for telling me all this,” Michael says softly, staring at the lobby floor. “I know I'm being an asshole. It just hurts so much.”

Calum shakes his head. “You’re not being an asshole. You have the right to do whatever the fuck you want. They messed up so bad, and as much as I hate to see us being torn apart, I don’t think they should be forgiven easily. Nether should I.”

Michael shrugs. “I’d rather talk to you than them. I don't know how to deal with this.”

“Well, thanks for talking to me. I miss it.” Calum looks around the dark room, sighing heavily. “Listen, I hate to be the one to say this. But no one is making you stay. I know it hurts to be around us every day, so why do you?

Scoffing, Michael shakes his head and shifts his weight from foot to foot. “I'm not leaving. This band is everything to me, and I'm not giving it up because of Luke’s mistakes. I don’t deserve that.”

“You’re right. Sorry.”

Michael looks up for the first time in the ten minutes it took for Calum to explain the story. Calum is just staring at him, a sad look on his face. “Michael,” he whispers softly.

“What?”

“You’re so beautiful.”

Michael, heartbreakingly, doesn’t even seem bothered by it. He just shakes his head. “Luke used to tell me that. Apparently beautiful wasn’t enough for him.”

Calum shakes his head, taking Michael’s hands into his. “Well, he didn’t know what he had. You’re so amazing. He didn’t understand. He still doesn’t get how great you really are.”

“Calum, are you… I can’t do that…” Michael says. “I can’t deal with that.”

“I just… Just once.”

He’s still whispering, inching closer and closer so that Michael can hear him better, until their lips are pressed together. Calum moves against Michael's unmoving lips, squeezing his hand and sighing into the kiss. It's not even a kiss, really. It's all from Calum.

Until he’s being pulled off. Luke socks Calum in the jaw, sending him falling onto the couch behind him. “Son of a bitch!” He screams, hitting him again.

“What the fuck is your problem?” Calum asks, standing and shoving Luke back.

“You just kissed him! Why the hell would you - “

“Because he doesn’t belong to you anymore! You can't use him anymore! You aren’t together, you can’t say who he can kiss!” Calum punches Luke’s nose, huffing.

Luke wipes a bit of blood away. “He wasn’t even kissing you, douchebag! He didn't want that!”

“How do you know?” Michael asks, suddenly enraged.

“What?” Luke asks.

Michael’s eyes are narrowed, his arms crossed and his heart racing. “You don't know if I wanted him to kiss me or not. Maybe we were gonna have really hot sex, but you wouldn’t know because we didn't get to the good part.”

Of course he didn’t want it. He was about to pull back when Luke came. Honestly, he’s never been more thankful to see the blonde. But he can’t think about that right now. Luke can't tie him down anymore. Michael just wants to prove he can be his own person now. Luke’s opinion doesn’t matter.

“What?” He asks again. “You weren’t kissing back. You looked disgusted.”

Michael shakes his head, glancing to the left. “It’s dark, you have no idea what I looked like. Maybe I was about to do this.”

And he turns and grabs Calum’s face, slamming their lips together. Calum has no objection; he roughly grabs Michael’s hips, grinding against him and slipping his tongue in the older boy’s mouth.

Michael pulls away a few moments later, relishing in the shocked look on Luke’s face. It might be douchebag material, but then he smiles and wipes his mouth. “Maybe he was about to fuck me. Actually, we might just leave right now so he can do that. Probably better than you ever did.”

They don’t wait long enough to see Luke leave in tears.

-

At noon the next day, Ashton and Luke still have no idea where the two are. They’ve called and texted repeatedly, but can’t get a hold of them. Honestly, how hard can it be to find a man with purple hair in Omaha? Turns out it’s pretty hard.

It’s around three that they find them. They’re walking around downtown, through some crazy farmer’s market, when they hear a familiar voice singing. So they follow it, finding Michael and Calum on a corner, Michael jamming on his guitar and singing with Calum. There’s a pretty big crowd of people around them, and a guitar case full of money on the ground. Michael’s hair also seemed to turn red overnight. It’s dark and vibrant, and it looks great on him.

When they finish the song they’re singing, everyone claps, and most people leave. That’s when they’re able to see Ashton and Luke standing there, looking upset. Michael sets his guitar in his case, smiling. “Hey.”

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Ashton asks. “Come on, let's go.”

“What’s your problem? We were just having fun. We don’t wanna leave yet,” Michael says. “I want a new tattoo, Cal.”

Calum nods. “Yeah, I think I saw a parlor down the street.”

“Great, let’s go.”

But right as they begin to walk away, Luke grabs Michael’s hand roughly and pulls him back. “Listen, Michael,” he says angrily, barely opening his mouth, as if he starts yelling he’ll explode. “You can be pissed all you want. You can hate me all you want. But never let it get in the way of the band. You just missed meet and greet and soundcheck and ruined a bunch of fans’ days. All they wanted was to see us and let us know how much we mean to them, and I don’t know about you, but that means the world to me. I couldn't ask for anything more. But because of you two, they didn’t get that. So sure, hate me. I don’t care, as long as it doesn't hurt the people I love.”

Michael and Calum are both speechless. So stupid. They’re idiots.

“Oh, my God… Shit… Fuck!” Michael rubs his face, shaking his head. “Luke, I am so sorry. I didn’t mean - I didn’t want to - Shit, what did I do?”

“You fucked up,” Luke says harshly. “Now you know what it feels like.”

Ashton sighs. “Not enough time, guys. There are still some fans at the venue, let’s go.”

So they run. It’s only a few minutes from where they are, but it doesn’t seem to be enough time, because when they get there, everyone is gone, and they’re being yelled at by managers and crew.

-

The concert is about to start. Ashton and Luke are in the dressing room, the blonde trying not to cry because he’s pretty sure Calum and Michael disappeared to have sex.

Michael can’t stand it anymore. He’s sick of feeling alone and scared and anxious all the time. He’s sick of not being able to control it. He misses Luke, he misses how he used to take care of him, make him feel special. Of course, he obviously wasn't very special because he wasn’t enough. But he was for at least eighteen months. For a year and a half, he was Luke’s. All his. No one else.

Now Calum is trying to stop his crying, calm his breathing, make him feel at home. But he doesn’t. It doesn’t feel right in Calum’s arms. He doesn’t feel right anywhere except with Luke. Even if Luke is yelling at him, or if he’s yelling at Luke - Luke is familiar, Luke is home.

“Sh, Sh… It’s gonna be okay, Michael…” Calum reassures, hugging him close. “You’ll be okay. We both made a stupid mistake today. I feel bad, too.”

“I - I’m so sorry…” Michael cries, letting out a soft sob.

Calum shakes his head. “Don't be sorry… It’s gonna be okay, I promise… I love you so much…”

“No, no, no, no, no, no…” Michael begins to murmur to himself, shaking his head repeatedly. “You’re making it worse.”

“What?” Calum pulls away. “What do you mean?”

Michael sighs shakily, wiping his tears. “I can’t - do this… Be with you…”

“Why?” Calum looks completely crushed.

“I don't… I don’t have any feelings for you, Calum…” The older boy admits sadly. “I only kissed you last night because I was so angry with Luke, and I just wanted to make him upset. I’m an asshole, I know, I’m sorry… I just…” He tries to think of a way to explain it. “You remember that video that those interviewers leaked of me? The one where I told them to stop recording and I didn't know I was there… That’s - That’s how I’m feeling all the time. I hate him so much for what he did to me, but… I miss him more. And I’m just waiting to get over the hating him part so that I can focus more on the missing him…”

Calum still looks like Michael ripped his heart out, and Michael is just so filled with guilt and sadness and anxiety that he breaks down again. He falls against the wall and puts his head in his hands. “I - I’m so sorry, Calum, I’m so fucking sorry…”

“No, no, it’s okay, I get it… I understand…” Calum sighs sadly. “I don't think I'm actually in love with you, honestly. I just… I didn’t know how to make you feel better, and I guess I liked the feeling of not being alone.”

Michael let's out an uncontrollably loud sob, standing in the middle of the spare dressing room. “I can’t… M - make it out on time… Can you ask for a few minutes… And get Luke?”

“Of course.” He’s gone in a second.

It seems like just a minute later that Luke is rushing into the room, the most concerned look on his face. “Are you okay, what happened, what can I do, please tell me what’s wrong, I’m so sorry, Michael,” he babbles in a rush. It seems like instinct that he’s wiping away Michael’s tears, rubbing his arms to warm him up because he knows he gets oddly cold when he’s anxious.

“I miss you so much, Luke…” Michael falls into Luke’s chest, sobbing loudly and letting the blonde hold him up and lay him on the couch.

“I miss you too, Michael… You have no idea… I love you so much…”

Michael makes his ugly crying face, making a weird face when he laughs and cries at the same time. “I h - hate you so much…”

Luke chuckles sadly, nodding. “Don’t worry, I hate me too…”

“I don’t know if I’m just too broken to think straight, but I need you. Please choose me. I can’t be a second choice when Ashton isn’t there to use.”

“Of course. No, of course. I made the worst mistake of my life, and I will never make up for it. But I wanna try,” Luke says. Michael finds his hand, holding it and letting the blonde trace fingers with this thumb.

Michael sighs. “I miss that. And I miss seeing the different cities with you. And I miss teasing you. And I miss sleeping with you, and I miss when you would hold me like I was the world - and I just miss everything, and it’s not fair. I want it back.”

Luke rolls his eyes. “You are the world, Michael. You’re my world and you're the love of my life and I’m never taking that for granted again.”

“Will you… Just… Before we go out there… Can you hold me again? Can we just lay here and wait until we get yelled at? I want it to be just me and you again.”

Luke smiles and helps Michael up, kissing his cheek gently. “I missed you and your cheesy romance.”

“Shut up, Luke.”

That show is perfect. Most definitely the best they've ever played. It’s exciting, and it makes Michael happy for once. And just before the lights go off, he smashes his lips onto Luke’s to show that they’re back, and they are perfectly alive. Maybe a little scraped and bruised, but alive.

 


End file.
